On the Topic of Balance

Breathing in, Breathing out. These are the beginnings to a meditation, they are the words of connection to the present moment in time. They are a connection to our bodies. They are an act of stillness and activity. 

Our rhythms in our body are based entirely on the premise of balance. We sleep for almost half the day and are wakeful for the other half. Periods of exercise are usually met with periods of rest. Our body eats and it works to digest the food while also going through absences of both. 

When systems whether it be ourselves or the environment around us are out of balance, our bodies, environments the systems at work must adjust or push to create balance by whatever means.

As a New Yorker, born and raised, I have not been brought up in a model of balance but instead with a compulsion to constant work. Likewise growing up in a lower middle class family  who devoted much of their careers and free time to pursuits that were philanthropic in nature, I have always been encouraged to give. 

Ahh, I hear you the little voice that pops up and says well what’s wrong with that? Wrong and right deals with dualistic thinking. While i’m pointing to opposing forces in this entry I’m not saying that only black and white exist and I’m also not saying that giving is wrong or right. What I am saying is that its inevitably more helpful to our living systems to notice and be aware of our propulsions and where their roots exist so that we may notice when we are out of balance and seek to be in alignment with that in both our bodies, spirits and will. 

I am a person who has a large tendency to give. In doing so, I have to track that I’m not out of balance which is the tendency I have with over giving. 

I think in our culture, or at least what my guilty voice inside tells me which I’ve talked to others who share this same speaker, when we  try to abstain from giving we are called selfish.

Oh that word that category that many of us have run from or run to in varied times in our lives because selfish is a term for someone who is also out of balance but on the taking scale on the equation. At times as givers, we can overcompensate from frying ourselves with all that we’ve give and quickly jump into a selfish act because our tanks are so run dry that we feel empty are trying to refill. 

Its funny that us givers should think to ourselves that from one small act, or series of self care acts or by the ability to say no or set boundaries we have automatically tipped the scale towards selfishness and yet in our label happy society this is precisely where we find ourselves some times. Held up hostage, weighing out the measure of our actions with the move towards self care being also attached to a label of completely disconnected from others and self-indulgent aka selfish. Or letting one weak moment of empty tank refilling have us deep dive into ultimately more giving we haven’t adequately refilled to begin doing. 

Sound familiar? Good, yeah! You’re here and you can see it. Don’t shy away from this or feel guilty. Theres no wrong or right in this. It just might be where you are right now. That’s okay. 

So where do we go from here?

Balance. This is a deep dive. You ready? Let’s go! Where are the areas in your life where you feel you give more than you’d like? Are there ways to set boundaries for yourself preventatively, or boundaries around the amount of time you give to those entities? Are there areas in your life where you are given to? Are there relationships or areas where there is already a balance of how much is given and received (reciprocal relationships)? What activities help to restore and refill you? Do you have those worked into your daily, weekly or monthly routines? How are you tracking that you’ve done those self care routines? Do you have someone you can check in with about your health, your activities, your mental/emotional state and or your relationships? These can be separate people for all entities by the way.